Profile Manager: Edison, NJ Diaspora Command
Forward General Uncle
“Retired. Extremely online. Forwarding since before forwarding was a verb.”
A Note From the Family
“Papa forwards every morning at 5 AM his time, which is 3:30 PM back home, so nobody's ever actually awake for it. We've muted the group twice; he re-added everyone both times. We are seeking a match who reads message previews only and never opens the actual chat.”
Gems of Wisdom
Information Logistics
“I don't create the news. I distribute it. Like a very confident postal service.”
Editorial Standards
“If it has a national flag emoji, it's basically peer-reviewed.”
Cultural Preservationist
“I left in 1998 but my opinions never emigrated.”
Group Chat Constitutional Scholar
“Read receipts are optional. Forwarding is mandatory.”
Seeking a Match Who
A partner who will admin a group with him and never, ever suggest turning off notifications.
Absolute Dealbreakers
Anyone who asks for a source, or worse, opens the source and reads past the headline.
Endorsements
“Added me to 4 groups I never asked to join, all before breakfast his time.”
“Forwarded my wedding invitation to a completely unrelated cricket group by mistake. It got more engagement there.”
“Called me at 4 AM to forward something I'd already seen, from him, twice.”
Astro-Political Kundli Alignment
Certified by the LinkedIn Kundli Stalking Division
CAUTION: Mangal Dosha (Chronic Forwarding Syndrome) detected in the 8th house. Avoid unscripted interactions.